the landscape around me has a muted, yet vibrant color palette. leaves of all kinds—a concoction of green if you will. flowers blend into this mixture – a subtle harmony of browns, purples, and greens. desert plants appear, reminding me that beauty can grow anywhere if given the space to grow. there are few trees. layers of exposed dirt. with each step, my view widens. i see how this mountain range shapes the contours of the city below. i notice a thick layer of smog. it distorts the colors, the yellows and oranges that serve as a harbinger of sunset.

insects, bugs, filled every nook and cranny that the rocks have left exposed. their small bodies look much bigger as they fly and crawl from every edge. i follow several of the bugs to the edge of the mountainside, and for a moment i feel light and free-floating as if i was one of them. i look down and see people inching along in their cars. choking traffic. but up here, i can’t hear anything.

i normally listen to music, but here the wind uses the trees as an instrument – a muted trombone perhaps, while flying insects make a bass-like sound. the heaviness in my body seems to lift, even if momentarily. the sounds of this place appear to be shifting, each rock’s irregular shape and jagged edges softened by the wind, the tall, swaying grass producing a faint “sh” sound.

when i reach the peak, it is still. i am still. the birds appear to stop chattering. my feet have stopped shuffling, even the wind has stopped rustling the bushes. all of the weight i was carrying in my mind, and body, seem to disappear. i can finally catch my breath. never have i felt such a sense of peace in a single moment. 

after the race we caught a bus headed back to the start line, and walked the remaining distance, maybe a mile, back home to our motel room. by that point, it was almost afternoon, but wanting to make the most of every minute, we decided to squeeze in one more hike before we got on the road for good that evening. we packed up as fast as we could, with all the rest of our belongings thrown messily in the trunk of our dusty silver hyundai santa fe rental. the hike itself was beautiful and we stayed there for the remainder of the day, playing in the rocks, taking pictures and tracing where other hikers had traveled before us. when it started getting darker we turned back towards the trailhead. i remember thinking on the walk back, how much i was looking forward to sleeping while my mom drove the next three or so hours to moab.

i tried to close my eyes that drive, but as we traveled further away from the faint lights of the last small town, the light from the stars began to keep me awake. at one point they grew so bright i could see the outlines of the canyons surrounding us across at the other end of the valley. my head still pressed against the glass of the window; i heard the audible rush of the wind outside the car roaring around us. aside from some animal whose silhouette crossed the road far ahead, we were the only living things in sight. going 80 down the freeway, it felt like we were flying.

my mom, at some point during the drive, asked me if i’d like to play some music, seeing that i was still awake. unsure of what would fit the mood or time of day, i just hit shuffle on some disco music, and softly beaming out of the speakers sang the band chic, followed by some kc & the sunshine band and donna summer. we each took turns dialing up the music, song by song, until it was suddenly blaring out of the speakers. my mom opened the sunroof so i rolled down the windows. then for the rest of the drive, as were cutting our way out of the last stretches of the canyons, we were singing every word together. i do not even remember arriving in the next city, but my mom and i both remember every moment of that drive together. that night kicked us both off on a new chapter in our relationship as best friends and adults.

i did not realize it at the time, but i would come to savor that night and the relationship with my mom it left me with. the carefree events of the day encapsulated what had been the theme of my entire life and childhood prior and served as a wonderful conclusion to that chapter of my life. when we got home from that trip everything would soon be different. what i did not know that night was that my gran would die just a few months later of a cancer that we, at that time did not even know she had. her death would send both my mom and me into a series of emotional hardships that, while we could not have survived without each other, still led me to transfer schools in the middle of a semester. i was also inspired by that trip to stick with distance running and the peace it gave me. my mother is still my best friend.  

in my life now, i still think daily about the blessings i received from my time in the canyons. when i hear disco music, i am reminded of how the person who i was when i entered the canyons trail was not the same one who left them. concealed in darkness across hundreds of miles of the most beautiful part of america, i thank that section of utah for that serendipitous moment and the joy, freedom and friendship it brought me. the place gave me a joy i knew would be waiting for me again. in hindsight of it all, the blessing from god given to us in the canyons gave my mom and me the gift of each other and still gives me a moment to root into when i feel disconnected from the important parts of everything else.